being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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