Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Bring me that man meat
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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