I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
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A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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