Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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