I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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