at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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