hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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