I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize