I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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