Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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