Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
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no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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