Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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