his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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