We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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