I didn't shave. On purpose
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize