she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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