I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize