your parents love me but you hate me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize