When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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