His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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