yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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