Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize