Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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