i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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