I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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