I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize