If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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