How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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