I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize