If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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