Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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