Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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