Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize