I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
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I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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