i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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