listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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