Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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