Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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