Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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