he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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