On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His nipple licking is glorious
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