Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
someone owes me an orgasm
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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