Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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