We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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