The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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