Michael Bay diarrhea
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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