(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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