I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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