Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize