Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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